Archive for July, 2009
Shock threat to shut Skype, Delta Goodrem Angry.
ebay, owners of Skype, today announced that they may be forced to shutdown Skype, their popular internet telephony/communications system, because of a licensing dispute. The Communications Industry reacted with mock dismay at the news. Industry spokesperson, Elijah P. Mook said “Oh nooo! What will everyone do if Skype shuts down? We will have to develop [...]
Kyle Sandilands Says “Sorry for Being a Smug Bastard”
Sydney radio host Kyle Sandilands has apologised for what he admits was a poor decision on his behalf to continue hosting his radio show while wearing such an appalling beard. “Sure, people go after me all time, because I’m famous, and they’re jealous of my fame, and they wish they had my fame,and 12-18 year [...]
BREAKING NEWS: Katie Holmes’s Far Death Experience!
Movie star and midget afficianado, Katie Holmes, is recovering after a near death experience while shooting her latest film, the remake of Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark. Holmes, currently in Melbourne, Australia, shooting scenes for the film, was startled when a car in Hollywood, California, 12,500km away, suddenly caught fire and had to be [...]
NRL Star in Shock Switch to AFL! Pope Angered.
The AFL and NRL are in turmoil today, with 22 year old NRL player Karmichael Hunt announcing his shock code switch to AFL. Hunt, full back for the Brisbane Broncos, stunned team mates, coaches and NRL fans with his decision. Many believe the switch will be impossible to pull off, and “..will end in friggin’ [...]
BREAKING NEWS: Eddie McGuire Spontaneously Combusts over Buckley Appointment
BREAKING NEWS: Eddie McGuire today spontaneously combusted in front of a packed media gathering while officially announcing the appointment of club legend Nathan Buckley to the position of Assistant Coach of Collingwood. McGuire, who several years ago professed his undying love to Buckley in the nationally televised 2 hour Channel Nine Special “Buck ‘n’ Me: [...]
Theo Theophanous Steps Down, Feels Violated by Brumby
STATE Labor MP Theo Theophanous has stepped down, even though Premier John Brumby has asked him to stay on and hinted to the media that he would continue in his role. Theophanous claims he told Premier Brumby “No means No! It does not mean Yes! I said no more, and I meant it. I wish [...]
Todd McKenney Gives Himself a Tongue Lashing
DANCING With The Stars’ judge Todd McKenney has given himself a severe and thorough tongue-lashing, claiming “I’ve been a naughty boy and I need to be punished!” McKenney is under fire for excessively criticising a blind man who was stupid enough to allow himself to be judged by Todd McKenney in the first place. McKenney [...]
BREAKING NEWS: Brangelina and Who Weekly Separate!
BREAKING NEWS: Brangelina and Who Weekly magazine have officially announced their separation. Ending months of speculation and rumour, Brangelina and Who Weekly magazine have had a bumpy ride over the last year, with many sources close to Brangelina claiming the magazine was ready to walk out over differences of opinion concerning how to best photograph [...]
HEY HEY It’s The Apocalypse!
Channel Nine have announced plans to bring about the end of life as we know it in order to combat their epic ratings slump. Nine said that the simultaneous launch of a new show starring Clare “Chk Chk Check out how racist I am” Werbeloff, and the return of Hey Hey It’s Saturday with Daryl [...]
BREAKING NEWS: Banks Are Arseholes
BREAKING NEWS: Reports are coming in that “..banks are arseholes.” More news as it arrives.
