United Nations Executes Kinder Surprise Jingle Writer
The United Nations, acting on the demands of rioting parents around the world, yesterday executed the jingle writer of the current Kinder Surprise commercial, finding him “..guilty of crimes against humanity” said Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon.
Freelance jingle writer, Hans E. Gruber, penned the notorious tune in 2006, but it wasn’t until 2008 that Kinder Surprise manufacturer Ferrero, concerned that the footage for their latest ad campaign “..wasn’t ‘catchy enough to bring in the ‘annoying little shit’ demographic’ decided to push it ‘..way over the top’ with Gruber’s lyrics and music. The rest is history.”
The lyrics:
“To make a lovely surprise,
You take a day without a surprise.
You become the surprise,
(Sing this bit through a traffic cone) “And here it is, the surprise of the day!”
Then there’s the milky chocolate taste,
Nothing tastes better than a great surprise.”
The annoyingly repetitive sing-song lyrics accompanied footage of a young European looking father surprising a young boy after school with the promise of a flimsy plasticky ‘surprise’ in chocolate packaging. The father then briefly imitates a 1916 Sopwith Camel Bi-wing fighter plane, the model popularised by Snoopy in the syndicated comic strip ‘Peanuts’, whilst chasing the young boy who presumably was pretending to be The Red Baron.
Ferrero CEO, Pietro Ferrero said in a brief statement from their head office “Si, it is unfortunato, but, eh.. how do you say?.. it is for the better that he is dead, no?”
Ferrero also produce Ferrero Rocher, Nutella and the new Tic-Tac King Size.
Related Article:
Kinder Surprise Actors In Hiding, Mob Offer Million Dollar Hit Job Contract, FBI Deny Involvement
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That commercial gives me the creeps. How many supposedly english speaking childrens ay “…pa-pa!” when greeting their fathers. Yes I know you couldn’t dub the word “dad” to the lip motion of “pa-pa” without it looking like an old school Kung-fu action flik, but c’mon… Try harder!!
I say the next to go should be the producer of the add… and while we’re at it, the kid and his tv pa-pa too!
Confidential sources are hinting that there may be a contract out on ‘papa’ and ‘little stefano’. This may not be the end of the story after all…
I’ve been trying to find a copy if this commercial online for quite some time…im not sure it exists
i love this ad
and the song..
it’s way catchy
Stay calm Emily! I’ve called for help. Some men in white coats will be at your door soon… everything’s gonna be okay… just hang in there! :)
i sang this song at least 5 times a day for the past few weeks to my girlfriend and last night she broke up with me
were you surprised?
All the best for your future.
Thank You SergeNikolaev, thank you so very much for your kind words and consideration. It’s sentiments like these, from obviously caring and loving individuals who have taken the time to visit me via random word searches in google that warm my heart and stoke the fire of humanity within me that I once thought burnt out after I murdered that family of hobos and ate their pet kittens. May your own family enjoy much peace and prosperity and may your child grow up to have the wisdom of Don Corleone and the testicles of an enraged elephant.
Ack, my comment didn’t come out the way I’d liked it to.
That’s what I told my wife last night.
Sorry but I don’t share most of these ideas.
http://www.blrtr.com – cool!!!!
don’t apologise, I don’t share most of these idea’s either.
Woohoo! Hope they heal quickly! Aside from the fact that they haven’t healed yet, how do you feel about the job this go around?
I feel good about it, you know? The team put in 110% and we played against a great side, but at the end of the day there can be only one winner. Thanks for your concern!
Wait…which one is Britney?
The purple monkey nut box is Britney. It’s pretty obvious isn’t it? I mean, look at her head. It’s shaped like a Dali painting.
Hey! Racial humor! Thanks, Internet!
My god! The INTERNET actually visited this website and left a message? Gadzooks! Now I’ve seen it all. Sorry about the racial humour, internet, or is that Mr Internet?
Nice post — this really hits home for me.
No problem Vivalkakira, here at The Blrtr we aim to provide only the best quality investigative faux-journalism, with highly researched information and thoroughly fact-checked sources. By the way, are you aware that you have 2 v’s, 2 i’s, 2 k’s and 3 a’s in your name? There’s a little boy in Ethiopia who is now called Mmbntl because you used his allocation of vowels.
Great tips and reminders as show-goers adjust budgets and schedules in this economically challenged period.
That’s so true, Vitalik. Indeed, it appears that most budget adjusting show-goers from Russia are visiting The Blrtr rather than go out, judging by the number of visits from people such as yourself. And it really is a economically challenged period, isn’t it? Just the other day I said to my friend Vladimir “Vlad, you’ve known me for a long time, and I have never complained about anything you do, but wearing a dead rat on your head, well, I just can’t let that go by unmentioned. You stink, or rather the rat stinks. I know things are tight at the moment, but here’s eight dollars, go buy yourself a proper hat for christ’s sake.” There’s a lesson in that for everyone, don’t you think?
I love these stories! Keep making them!
Okay! I will!
Excellent site. It was pleasant to me.
http://www.blrtr.com – go to my favorites!!!
Australia is the greatest country in the world.
It will be even greaterer when we finally eliminate this kinder surprise scourge.
Perfect site, i like it!
Perfect comment – I like it!
v
Hello! Can you tell me how i can register mail at google google http://google.com
Sure, it’s easy. You go to dickheadsrus.com, then click the little button that says “dickheads can register for a gmail account here” and then you register. Hope that helped!
Blrtr
Hola!
Ole!
He rhymed suprise with suprise four times. And once with taste. There is no death painful enough for his crimes.
Really good post. I like your no bs posts they are the reason I keep coming back here.
I think so. I advice that you will also share the documentary here so that many people can see it also.