Archive for August, 2009
Angelina Jolie Killed Filming Nurofen Commercial
Angelina Jolie, star of films such as “Look at Me!”, “Look at Me 2!: Look Dammit!” and the upcoming live-action thriller “I Shoot Your Face III” died instantly this morning while filming the followup to her recent Nurofen back pain relief commercial. Jolie was reprising her role of Lara Croft for the ad, which sees [...]
Apple Unveils New Exploding iPhone 3GS BAM!
Apple, in a move to shake off bad publicity, has decided to officially release a new update to their iPhone lineup, called the iPhone 3GS BAM! Steve Jobs, in a keynote address to his dentist, today unveiled the new iPhone, explaining that recent reports of exploding iPhones in Europe were actually unofficial pre-release models of [...]
Melbourne to Open 300 New Bars and Night Clubs to Combat City Violence
Lord Mayor Robert Doyle has announced plans to immediately approve the opening of 300 new bars and nightclubs in Melbourne this week in an effort to combat rising city violence. The news comes after another horror weekend in which 300 heavily intoxicated and drugged affected people were arrested in one incident late Saturday night. Riot [...]
Archie Proposes to Wilma Flintstone – Comic World in Shock
Archie Andrews, of Archie Comics fame, has upset the comic world by officially proposing to Wilma Flintsone, currently wife of celebrated neanderthal quarry employee Fred Flintstone. Celebrity blogs have been in overdrive since last week when rumours first started to circulate that Archie was preparing to pop the question to either Betty or Veronica. SportsBet [...]
Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta Accuses Lady Gaga of Sexual Abuse
Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta has accused her alter ego, musical celebrity Lady Gaga, of sexually abusing her as a teenager. Germanotta, sitting on an elephant suspended below a hovering pink helicopter, addressed the assembled press conference held at the top of the Empire State Building. She told the gathered media she had instructed her lawyers [...]
Tracy Grimshaw Agrees to Cut Schapelle Corby’s Jail Term
Schapelle Corby, drug trafficker and creator of the much celebrated ‘Confused Corby Look’ used by many fashion models, is expected to have her sentence cut during the forthcoming holiday celebrations in Bali this week. Currently serving 20 years for being a Corby family member, she’s said to be excited by the possibility of a reduction, [...]
Kyle and Jacki O to Return to Radio, Good Taste Dies a Little Bit More
Kyle and Jacki O, recently suspended from their 2Day FM radio show for an ill judged segment featuring Kyle, a wallaby, a jar of lube and a lie detector, have been permitted to return to air next week with newly imposed conditions. Amongst other restrictions, the show will now air with a 47 second delay, [...]
Melbourne Lord Mayor Robert Doyle Bans Bogans from City, Now Can’t Get To Work.
Melbourne Lord Mayor Robert Doyle yesterday officially banned bogans from the city in a bid to curb rising violence. However, today he was apprehended on his way in to work when he arrived by train at Flinders Street Station and fined for breaching his new law. He told Neill Mitchell of 3AW in an interview [...]
Twitter Offline, World Waits for Opinion on Lunchtime Kebab
Twitter, the social phenomenon of 2009, Feb-June, was temporarily knocked offline this week when an office administrator failed to pay their hosting bill because she was too busy Twittering. Around the world fans of the micro messaging service were shocked to find their much loved website offline. “I was about to do my daily lunchtime [...]
Sam the Koala Assassinated, Nation Mourns
Sam the Koala, who emerged from the Black Saturday bushfire as an iconic symbol of the unbreakable Aussie spirit, has been assassinated. Tributes have been pouring in from leaders around the world. Sam was being treated for chlamydia in hospital this week when a lone assassin cleverly disguised as a veterinarian injected him with a [...]
