BP announced today they had successfully completed Phase 1 of Operation: Drain all Earth’s Oil into the Gulf of Mexico.

“We think we’ve done a pretty good job, and in a much faster time frame than originally expected too,” claimed BP CEO Mr Satan P. Goathumper.

“Even though at times it seemed like the whole world was watching over our shoulders and urging us to go faster, we just stood back and let the Earth do her thing.”

“And finally, now that her entire global oil reserve is conveniently located in the Gulf of Mexico for easy access, we can commence with Phase 2 of our plan,” said Mr Goathumper.

“Phase 2,” he continued “or Operation: Fuck You, Seawater, as we call it, involves pumping the water from the Gulf of Mexico into the empty hole in the Earth vacated by the drained oil. This will also prevent the water contaminating the precious oil, which could cost billions to clean.”

“This will effectively reverse the location of the oil and the water, making it so much easier and environmentally friendlier to get the valuable natural resources that we really want. We think Greenies and commie tree-hugging hipster doucherati should be pretty happy with this plan. Think how much oil we will save not having to drill through the Earth to get our oil so we can keep drilling for oil. It’s win-win, baby.”

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