Miners, led by Andrew ‘Twiggy’ Forrest, will lead a protest against Kevin Rudd’s proposed resources tax by driving to Canberra in a 150 million dollar diamond encrusted mining truck that they originally purchased with the help of generous tax incentives from the Government.
“This extravagant and lavish protest is our way of showing Mr Rudd that we simply can’t afford this tax,” said Mr Forrest while scooping handfuls of cavier and baby seals into his mouth.
“His proposal will make us slightly less obscenely rich and also deliver marginally smaller dividends to people who can afford to invest in our companies, like ourselves, and other people like us.”
Forrest also claimed that up to 6 jobs could be lost across the mining sector as a result of the tax, and new mines might be delayed by up to two weeks because of tantrums thrown by angry mining CEO’s.
“I had to sack 4 of my 55 man-servants today because I was scared I couldn’t afford them any longer due to Rudd’s tax,” said Marius Kloppers, BHP Billitons CEO. “How am I supposed to manage with just 6 people to wipe my arse now, Mr Rudd?”
Rio Tinto’s chief executive Tom Albanese also spoke out about the resources tax, claiming all his mines would be affected by Mr Rudd “..excessive, obscene and opportunistic money grab.”
“That son of bitch Rudd! I kill him! My wife, he only eat SIX tins of Almas Caviar for breakfast now! SIX! My wife, she say to me, ‘Tom, we will be poor now? Maybe I eat less Caviar for breakfast? I do that Tom, for you, not for that bloody bustard Rudd! He ratfuck us!’ And then she cry, so I cry to,” said Mr Albanese, blowing his nose on the live polar bear he keeps chained to his wallet.
The diamond encrusted mining truck protest rally is expected to arrive at the lawns of Parliament House in Canberra on Sunday in time for a light lunch of Matsutake Mushrooms pizza, Dansuke Watermelon fruit platter and Italian White Alba Truffle jelly washed down with 38 bottles of 1787 Chateau d’Yquem.
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