Music entrepreneur Simon Cowell has been executed by firing squad during the live television presentation of the BAFTA awards for his “..very special and important part..” in the downfall of modern culture.
The BAFTA’s Special Execution in Recognition of Excellence category was a last minute addition to the awards ceremony.
It had originally planned to bestow Cowell, 50, with a generic “For Special Contributions to Entertainment” award, but organisers changed their minds at the last moment when they realised that the general public would not understand the sarcastic tone they used when engraving the trophy with Cowell’s name.
Simon Cowell’s cadaver was later wheeled to the podium to accept a second award, presented to his hair for its “Services to Raising the Profile of the Center-Parted Flat-Top Quasi-Mullet”.
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