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Benicio Del Toro, Angelina Jolie Arrested, Bryan Singer Shot Dead Over Magnum Gold Ice Cream Haul
Actors Benicio Del Toro and Angelina Jolie are in custody today and director Bryan Singer (The Usual Suspects, Superman Returns) has been shot dead after their planned heist of 75 million Magnum Gold ice cream bars went tragically wrong last night. It’s alleged that Del Toro, Jolie and Singer hatched the daring plan to break [...]
Snuggie Related Accidents Up 450%, Safety Officials Call for Blanket Ban on Product
The makers of Snuggie are in damage control today, with newly released figures from hospitals nationwide indicating that accidents involving the “The Blanket with Sleeves!” are up over 450% on the same period last year. In the most recent incident, a family of 4 watching television while wearing Snuggie’s suffered multiple injuries when the youngest [...]
Nurofen Zavance Racing Team Sacks ‘More Speed’ Woman
The Nurofen Zavance Racing Team, sponsored by Nurofen Zavance, the headache medication that makes you drive two times faster than normal headache medicine, today sacked Sonia N. Tonight, the Head of the More Speed Button. Team Manager, Frisbee J. Jones, told Sports Tonight that he was “..sick and tired of losing race after race. It’s [...]
Kinder Surprise Jingle Writer Dead, Actors In Hiding from Mob, FBI Deny Involvement
Following recent public jubilation over the execution of the Kinder Surprise jingle writer for crimes against humanity, La Casa Nostra, commonly referred to as The Mob, The Mafia, or “Those Guys..you know..with the pants” announced they were prepared to offer a certified professional hitman the sum of one million dollars for the assassination of all [...]
United Nations Executes Kinder Surprise Jingle Writer
The United Nations, acting on the demands of rioting parents around the world, yesterday executed the jingle writer of the current Kinder Surprise commercial, finding him “..guilty of crimes against humanity” said Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon. Freelance jingle writer, Hans E. Gruber, penned the notorious tune in 2006, but it wasn’t until 2008 that Kinder Surprise [...]
ConsumerFact Update
When the winter chills arrives, do bad television commercials urge you to fake a runny nose or pretend to have red drowsy eyes? If so, you need Actbantrim, the fast acting triple-strength treatment for relief from bad winter flu commercial acting. Actbantrim works by blocking the ‘medifacts’ center of the brain from receiving ‘clichéd cold [...]
