Annoying Blrt’s
Lara Bingle Splits with Agent Max Markson, Seeking ‘quieter life, diginity, morals, ethics, talent and to be able to sleep with myself at night without waking up wishing I was dead’,
Celebrity Nobody Lara Bingle has announced her split from celebrity nobody Celebrity Nobody promoter Max Markson. “I’ve had enough of the ‘celebrity nobody’ thing, I just want to be a plain old ‘nobody’ again, and for cricket fans to stop throwing beer cans at me all the time,” said Bingle during an exclusive interview with [...]
Snuggie Related Accidents Up 450%, Safety Officials Call for Blanket Ban on Product
The makers of Snuggie are in damage control today, with newly released figures from hospitals nationwide indicating that accidents involving the “The Blanket with Sleeves!” are up over 450% on the same period last year. In the most recent incident, a family of 4 watching television while wearing Snuggie’s suffered multiple injuries when the youngest [...]
Sydney Man Twitters Own Bashing
22 year old Sydney resident, Beven Gougoulas, is tonight in intensive care at Bankstown Hospital in Sydney’s southwest. Gougoulas, an assistant wedding photographer and cake decorator, was attacked by 2 teenagers while walking home alone from local takeaway shop ‘The Kebabatorium’. Prior to the attack, Gougoulas was Twittering from his mobile phone while walking, which [...]
iPhone Protoype Goes Missing, Worker Files Lost Prototype Report, Returns to Work
Chinese factory work, Sun Moon DangYong, 25, today filed ‘Form 145B, a Report of Lost Prototype Type F(iPhone)’, with his direct superiors at Foxconn, the Chinese manufacturer contracted by Apple to produce the popular iPhone mobile telephony device. DangYong, head of production for the iPhone, claimed that a box containing 16 of the prototypes had [...]
Local Fashionista Finds Old Leather Sofa Resembling Donatella Versace
Local fashionista Viridian P. Jarlsberg, yesterday announced to the world that she had discovered an old leather sofa that unmistakably resembles famous 55 year old Italian fashion designer Donatella Versace. “My husband was organising the hard rubbish for the yearly council collection, when he called out to me ‘Hey, Viridian! We’ve got an old sofa [...]
KFC returning to its roots.
KFC announced today it is embarking on a world wide marketing blitz to restore trust back into its brand after a recent spate of bad press. With many articles recently appearing in ‘The Onion’ and other highly respected online news outlets questioning the side effects of their ‘enhanced’ über-chickens, the tipping point was reached when [...]
United Nations Executes Kinder Surprise Jingle Writer
The United Nations, acting on the demands of rioting parents around the world, yesterday executed the jingle writer of the current Kinder Surprise commercial, finding him “..guilty of crimes against humanity” said Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon. Freelance jingle writer, Hans E. Gruber, penned the notorious tune in 2006, but it wasn’t until 2008 that Kinder Surprise [...]
Weapons Maker Lockheed Martin Buys Garnier Laboratory
Lockheed Martin, the largest defense contractor in the world, announced today that they had formally completed the purchase of the Garnier Laboratory from The L’Oréal Group, the world’s largest cosmetics and beauty company. At a packed press conference, Lockheed Martin’s new head of Global Annihilation and Cellular Rejuvenation Technology, Anton Le’Thunderstrike Snr. III, told reporters [...]
ConsumerFact Update
When the winter chills arrives, do bad television commercials urge you to fake a runny nose or pretend to have red drowsy eyes? If so, you need Actbantrim, the fast acting triple-strength treatment for relief from bad winter flu commercial acting. Actbantrim works by blocking the ‘medifacts’ center of the brain from receiving ‘clichéd cold [...]
