Asides
Former Telstra CEO Sol Trujillo an Arsehole
BREAKING NEWS: Former Telstra CEO, Sol Trujillo, has been reported to be “a world-class arsehole.” More news as it it arrives.
Earthquake Moves New Zealand Closer, Australian Navy Begins Shelling Auckland
A recent earthquake on New Zealands South Island has moved New Zealand closer to Australia by up to 10cm. The Australian Government, upon hearing the news, immediately launched all available navy vessels to the region and recalled thier Ambassador. Prime Minister Kevin Rudd cut short his latest holiday, calling New Zealand Prime Minister John Key [...]
African roadie dies in stage collapse, Madonna offers to adopt body
An African roadie was killed when the concert stage he was helping set up for Madonna’s latest world tour collapsed in France, crushing him under 400 tonnes of scaffolding. A visibly distraught Madonna, wearing a transparent Dolce & Gabbanna clingwrap dress, offered her condolences to the grieving family, and offered to adopt the body when [...]
Disney has hired Latoya Jackson to star in their next family holiday blockbuster, 101 Dumb Accusations
Disney has hired Latoya Jackson to star in their next family holiday blockbuster, 101 Dumb Accusations. It’s the story of a bunch of black and white coloured misfits who become a family again when they try to track down their brothers murderer. It will hit theatres in January 2010. Bryan Singer has been attached as [...]
Joe Jackson seeks Lisa-Marie Presley’s help to Keep Michael Jackson Dead
Joe Jackson is seeking Lisa-Marie Presley’s help to keep Michael Jackson dead, revealed concerned Jackson family members today. Joe Jackson is worried that a ‘zombie-like’ return from the grave could negatively effect Michael’s new found popularity, driving down sales of Michael’s CD’s and putting a hold on Joe’s plans to turn Neverland into a tourist [...]
Dannii Minogue Sued by Breast Implants
Dannii Minogue was successfully sued by her breast implants in London this week. The Court also awarded the implants sole custody of her boyfriend, ex-rugby player turned model Kris Smith, and ordered Minogue to pay 2.3 million dollars compensation for unpaid royalties from her music career and the full proceeds of her television contract for [...]
