People Blrt’s
Lara Bingle Sues Fevola for Making Her Look Like a Bigger Unemployed Bimbo than Usual
22 year old Lara Bingle, who is currently engaged to ruin Australian cricketer Michael Clarke’s life, claims Brendan Fevola’s actions in distributing a semi-naked picture of her has jeapordised her chances of marrying and then divorcing Clarke and talking half of his life savings. “Brendan should have realised that what he did was wrong. He [...]
John Howard Wins ICC Nomination, Cricket Fans Worldwide Scream “WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?”
Former Australian Prime Minister John W. Howard has been formally nominated for the Presidency of the International Cricket Committee for the 2012 season. Mr Howard, who is still reeling from his shock loss to Kevin Rudd in the closely run 2007 election, vowed to bring cricket back to its heyday of 1956…
Celebrity Agent Max Markson to Represent Max Markson, Announces Celebrity Agent Max Markson
Celebrity agent Max Markson of celebrity management organisation Markson Sparks has announced a new management deal for celebrity agent Max Markson of Markson Sparks, Australia’s premier celebrity management organisation. “I’m very pleased to finally be able to represent Max Markson” said agent Max Markson today. “Max has been someone I’ve wanted on the books for [...]
Apple CEO Steve Jobs Sacked for Being Underage
Apple has admitted to the use of child labour in several factories used to produce their popular iPhone and iMac computers. After further investigation and global outrage at the admission from the computing giant, Apple instituted mandatory age checks within all its global facilities, including its head office at 1 Infinite Loop, Cupertino in California. [...]
Angelina Jolie Caught Smuggling Haitian President out of Country
Angelina Jolie has been arrested in Haiti after attempting to smuggle Haitian President Rene Preval out of the country illegally in her Prada handbag. Jolie, a UN Goodwill Ambassador, claims she was only trying to find a more suitable home for the President, who she initially thought was an orphan hiding in the ruins of [...]
John Mayer brands himself “the dumbest person in 2000 years”
John Mayer, the musician, raconteur, literature critic and celebrated British Naval Historian, has branded himself “the dumbest person in 2000 years” in a recent Twitter post. Mayer tweeted “I use Twitter, Facebook & myspace & say stupid things & use buzzwords & say I hate them – becoz I am really teh dumbest person in [...]
Hollywood mourns the unexpected death of 150,000 people around the world on Sunday
Hollywood is still in shock today at the sudden and unexpected news that 150,000 people died on Sunday from natural causes, unnatural causes, various diseases, heart failure, cancer, old age, plague, car accidents, slipping in the shower, accidental stabbing by a small baby playing with a kitchen knife, rabid dogs, feral deer rampage, disputes over [...]
Nicole Kidman Cocaine Frenzy – Declares War on Columbian Drug Cartel
Nicole Kidman stunned Hollywood again this week, this time turning up at the Premiere of her new movie Nine with her face covered in cocaine and mumbling “They wanna go to war? Those fucking cockroaches! Just wait till they see my little friend! Hokay!” Kidman, who last week slammed Australia’s paparazzi, has been involved in [...]
Nicole Kidman slams Australia, Prefers How Americans Suck Up to Useless Celebrities
Nicole Kidman, the 42 year old ex-actress, today slammed Australia during a press conference and vowed never to return. She claimed that “Only Americans really know how to properly suck up to useless celebrities like me. Australia is still 10 years behind sycophant-wise, and probably always will be.” “The Australian media still likes to remind [...]
Brendan Fevola Retires from Football After Solving World’s Hardest Maths Problem
Controversial star forward Brendan Fevola has stunned both the football and the academic world by announcing his retirement from AFL and also solving The Jacobian Conjecture, a notoriously difficult mathematical problem formulated in 1939. The Clay Mathematics Institute in the United States has offered a $1,000,000 prize for the correct solution, and are currently verifying [...]
