media
Kevin Rudd Warns Australia “Look Out! We’re All Going to Die!”
Prime Minister Kevin Rudd today outlined his plans for dealing with the Insulation Rebate Scheme disaster by pointing behind assembled reporters and screaming “MY GOD! THEY’RE COMING TO KILL US!” In the following chaos, Mr Rudd announced that we should be scared, alert, vigilant, and suspicious of everyone because terrorists lived next door to all [...]
Tiger Woods changes name to Armadillo Forest, Declares Affair Crisis Over
World No. 1 golfer and sneeky bastard love rat Tiger Woods today declared that he had officially changed his name to Armadillo Forest. The move was an effort to combat further suspicion and innnuendo about his numerous affairs. “After all I’ve done for the game, they call me ‘Cheetah’ Woods in the papers? Do they [...]
Kevin Rudd tells Ministers to “Fuck Off”, Punches Wayne Swan in Mouth
Prime Minister Kevin Rudd is today enjoying a surge in popularity after allegations he told his Ministers “Go fuck yourselves, you bunch of spoilt little whinging cocksuckers” when they objected to his proposed allowance cutbacks. “Who’s the boss? I am! BAM! You weak motherfuckers! Suck on that! Uh huh, K-Rudd is the big dawg and [...]
Abominable Snowman Announces Engagement to Tim Holding
The Abominable Snowman has announced his engagement to Tim Holding. Yesterday the Snowman and Holding were dramatically lifted to safety aboard a hovering rescue helicopter after spending 3 days lost at Mount Feathertop. After the rescue, Holding revealed his secret relationship with the Abominable Snowman, and that they had an Abominable Snowbaby which he had [...]
Sydney Man Twitters Own Bashing
22 year old Sydney resident, Beven Gougoulas, is tonight in intensive care at Bankstown Hospital in Sydney’s southwest. Gougoulas, an assistant wedding photographer and cake decorator, was attacked by 2 teenagers while walking home alone from local takeaway shop ‘The Kebabatorium’. Prior to the attack, Gougoulas was Twittering from his mobile phone while walking, which [...]
